Missing Maui
I woke up this morning very early, and mostly remembered my mom. I might have been dreaming about her…
Last night I went to a Neighbor's house for dinner. They are from Hawaii, and I told them how much my mom loved Hawaiian culture and tradition.
We have chatted about this in the past but dug deeper into the mysteries and tales of the Islands. It was fascinating and heartwarming to hear them talk about Hawaii.
I’ve never lived in Hawaii but my sister and my mom lived there for 2 years. My sister made the decision to go with a friend to Maui for a spell and only returned home for her dog and horse but was destined to return again. Which she did a few years later.
After my mom visited my sister, my mom fell so in love with Hawaii she found a travel nursing job and moved there soon after.
The first time I traveled to Hawaii was to visit my sister in Maui and I had the time of my life! I was in heaven and witnessed my sister behaving in the most relaxed, carefree and happy fashion I had ever seen her in.
My mom acted the same way when I took a second trip to visit her. She had lost weight, her skin was so healthy and vibrant she had learned so many new Hawaiian words too! I was amazed to see her so happy, it was quite impressive.
Maui seemed to cast a magic spell on us as soon as we landed. My sister told me that some people would hide in Maui, to escape the sadness, loss and attachments they were running from on the mainland.
Was this ‘the magic’? The feeling that you are free from sadness because you are surrounded by sun, color, constant reggae, and vacation vibes? Perhaps… however it might be deeper than that.
The Islands are floating in a massive body of water, like tiny meteorites in space. They are not attached to anyone or anything. They are not close, in fact the closest body of land is the U.S. a mere 2,390 miles away, Hawaii is completely isolated (Bahamondes, 2016).
I imagine myself in the early times when humans first began to explore the world. I imagine only having the stars and birds to guide me as I set sea looking for the diamond in the sky. The feeling of wandering around the depths of the ocean following only your gut and a few feathered fowl to a place that has never been discovered is so overwhelming it is but a dream.
It makes me believe that there is a God, or many God’s, spirits, and higher powers that are beyond scientific explanation. Because, when I take flight in a huge metal contraption that transports me to a place like Hawaii, I think maybe I am defying God.
Not that travel is bad. But all I am doing is simply buying a ticket. Am I going against my human capabilities? Flying like hell to a place that was founded by spiritual means. Shouldn’t I be required to build a boat and learn how to trust my gut, read the sky and then see if I can make it there?
Although it was the Wright Brothers who were told that they were insane for thinking they could build something to fly solo in the sky. But they didn’t let the naysayers get to them. They believed it was possible. They followed their gut, their god and built a thing that changed human travel, forever.
Airplanes have fascinated me for as long as I can remember. I understand the fundamentals and science behind them but taking flight is always a spiritual experience for me. So maybe it isn’t too terrible to fly, especially if it is bringing people together.
The trip that took my mom to Maui for a few years changed her. She was at peace for the first time. She had arrived.
The last voicemail I have saved on my phone before she got sick is on her birthday 2012. I don’t know why I saved this voicemail in particular for so many years. She left me TONS of voicemails and I had many different phones I could have lost it on. However, this particular voicemail was kept.
I listen to it when I miss her voice… In the voice message she is in Maui, it is her birthday and she has a huge day planned with friends and a trip to her favorite place Lanai. Her voice is in love with Maui. Her voice is pure magic to hear because she is in her happy place. I feel so lucky that I was able to experience Hawaii with my mom during this time. I know that taking her ashes there after she died was the right thing to do.
My mom was not Hawaiian; she was Canadian, born in London Ontario. But the way Maui shifted her spirit she definitely belonged there. She respected the land and wanted to know everything political, spiritual and historical about Hawaii. She may have been a guest there in this lifetime, but something tells me long ago in a different body her soul had found refuge on the Islands.
She always said she was an old soul. She said and believed that she had lived many lives. And if you believe in this sort of thinking it makes sense. The Buddhist believe in dharma. Dharma is the foundation of all existence (mindworks.org). Dharma can be explained in many different ways but the one I like best is the one of our bodies being vehicles for the soul. That our souls travel to different bodies to take out certain life journeys. To teach others, to learn, to cultivate, to inspire, to continue this human experience in what some shaman’s call the ‘middle world’.
My mom was authentically always herself. She tried so hard to fit the mold of what society expected of her and I think that is what ultimately killed her. The stress and anxiety of needing money to get by was her worst nightmare. Her constant angst of not being good enough, fit enough or pretty enough haunts me to this day.
The stories that are being changed for myself and my son will not include the stories of money troubles or negative self talk. The stories will be changed for the good of my ancestors, my mother, my father, and anyone before or after me.
It is my duty to change the story, the law of karma and heal the illness of disparity and insecurity of my ancestry. I am not doing it for just myself anymore. I am doing the work for everyone because it feels good to me. I know deep in my gut, in the pit of my soul I am headed in the right direction. I might have some obstacles to overcome and I might only succeed a little bit but the effort of awareness is there and that is a start.
I am awake. I see the easy path. I know where to go and I have more tools than my past self had to work with. I hope that these words resonate with the people that need to hear them right now.
I empathize with the natives who were forced to leave their sacred lands. I believe in karma and the dharma initiative. A price will be paid for the wrongful actions of the people who caused harm against others. Suffering is not an unpaid balance. Big things are happening all around the world. I can feel it in my bones.
If my mom taught me anything it was to listen to my heart. My heart wanted to be with her today. So I turned on some old home videos and wept then started writing this blog.
I miss you mom. I will visit you soon on the sandy shores of Lanai.
Missing Maui today. Xxoo -Your Darling Daughter Whitney
Sources:
Bahamondes, B. (2016, November 28). 10 Things Only People from Hawaii Say. Yahoo. https://www.yahoo.com/news/10-things-only-people-hawaii-000112277.html
What is the Meaning of Dharma? (n.d.). Mindworks. https://HTTPS://mindworks.org/blog/what-is-the-meaning-of-dharma/
