Capricorn season

Traditionally, I would tell you all about Capricorn season. And how it is the opposite of Cancer. Capricorn and Cancer are like yin and yang and I’d tell you that Capricorn is an Earth sign… But instead, I am going to share what I wrote the other morning… 

I am recognizing my love for people who are unable to know how beautiful they are.

       I had two patients yesterday that I got to care for, in a completely different way than I normally do. My job can be very technical. I work with a lot of machines. I put breathing machines on people who can't breathe, usually people who have fluid in their lungs from a virus, bacteria, heart failure, or trauma. 

      Fluid can be a problem in the lungs... But when people can't breathe they get very anxious... and some people get spacey because of the lack of oxygen and increased C02 levels... and it is difficult to help these people because the bipap mask I put on them is annoying and confining and they try to remove it. But it helps them if they can keep in on for a bit! 

      Positive pressure helps push the fluid out and open up the collapsed lung. Yesterday, I put two bipap masks on patients who were not breathing well. These people were one of the same kind of patients.

   They were both very sick, one was homeless and had lice. While the other was from a care facility and had missing teeth, was overweight, and had scars from cuts made by previous suicide attempts on their arms. Both of these patients were struggling but politely asked for my help to breathe. 

I say 'politely' because even though they were struggling they were kind.

 Let me say that again…

They were struggling but they were kind…

They let me brush their hair to put up so I could get the mask on their face comfortably. They let me cut their beard off which they had proudly grown for 3 years, (I encouraged them and said that it would grow back and that breathing with this mask would be worth it). I cared more deeply for these patients' comfort than I normally do. 

Why? 

Perhaps, because they had been vulnerable and open-minded to trying what I had suggested. They accepted the fact that they needed my assistance to breathe!  They accepted that they were struggling. And I could have just slapped the mask on them and walked away but I didn't.

     I believed in them they believed in me and by the end of the day they were able to come off the biapap mask because they had recruited lung volumes and therefore oxygenated themselves. 

The light in their eyes had returned. One laughed several times at my jokes and that always makes me feel great. I don't know what it was about these two particular patients yesterday that made me feel so heart-centered...

 I advocated for them like they were my parents. I took the initiative and found a brush, detangler, and a rubber band to put their matted hairball into a cute bun on their head. I went the extra mile to shave a lice-ridden beard off so the mask could fit snugly on their face. I made sure they had everything they needed before I left. I prayed for them... and in 4-5 hours they both made a comeback!

 Again, this doesn't happen a lot. I don't normally have the time to do all this stuff either. But yesterday I made time. I sat down after and reflected, and I asked myself what I love about my job. 

Why am I still here? 

I could make the same amount of money or more waiting tables. But I choose to stay here.

I thought about my co-workers and how much I loved them too, though sometimes they drive me NUTS and can be super negative (just like me)... But they like my jokes too! 

As I sat down, I realized I don't care about the actual job description of what I do as a Respiratory Therapist, I care about making people feel better.

 I care about lifting their souls to see that they can breathe and that all this life and everything we do is fucking worth it! 

I care about changing people's fear and anxious breathing into slow confident breathing. 

I care that their hair is not tangled and a mess and getting caught in the straps of the mask.

(Pulling a person's hair back to reveal their face is so breathtaking). 

Discovering a smile underneath a tattered beard is magic!

 My heart feels their pain and I want to help them heal.

I know being kind is the medicine we all need.